Confidence. Article by Nick Roud, Coach
That inner voice, you aren’t good enough, you can’t do that. You’ve got this, Why did you doubt yourself!
Let’s face it, we all have good days and bad days. Some days we feel that we are on top of the world others could this get any worse. As an executive leadership coach it would be fair to say that over the past 9 years most if not all of the leaders who I have coached have worked on understanding why their confidence ebbs and flows. Nearly all have or are facing confidence bumps and all appreciate that confidence plays a vital part in their own leadership success.
We have just witnessed the Paris Olympics and as those men and women step out onto the world stage what might be going on inside their heads? Take a Chief Executive Officer about to present to the board the ‘state of the nation’ how might there emotions be running? A recently qualified lawyer about to step into there first paid employment, am I ready for this, have I made the right choice! Take the elite rugby professional, she has spent countless hours on the training paddock and now in extra time she has the kick out wide to secure the win, where is her confidence level right now?
No human in my humble view is immune to both positive and negative sides of confidence. Like many things its a very personal topic and one which I believe can only be unpacked when in a safe, trusted and loving space. No drug, chemical, pill or potion can magic these sides of confidence away. It takes great character and vulnerability to dig deep into getting ‘comfortable’ if that is a good word to use comfortable with our own confidence. Are we ever on top of our confidence? I am not sure but it is important that we understand what triggers our confidence and what we do in those situations.
So what does confidence actually mean and is there such a thing as normal?
In my coaching work with my clients around the world I believe that normal is what you decide is actually normal for you. Normal is a barometer of half way, not to confident that arrogance takes over and not under confident that stops you making a massive dent in the world. Maybe take a daily check in with yourself and ask yourself where is my confidence level today? What I notice about myself will be very different to the next person. What I am feeling (emotions) right now may be different later, tomorrow or even next week. What caused me to be confident at that time?
Those who know me or have been into my global headquarters aka the 20ft shipping container will know I love a good journal book, my office is full of them. For many years I have personally journaled, I know speaking to many leaders and professionals that it’s not for everyone but it works for me. Each day I ask myself a few questions and note down my response. Each week I review what’s gone on, reflect to my core purpose and notice what I notice. I try to avoid quick drastic changes because I want to peel the onion back to understand what is or has triggered me. Only then once I have a theme can I get to work. In my 1:1 coaching work we spend time looking at your own confidence and what is showing up for you. Over a period of 6, 9 or 12 months we start to understand patterns of behaviour and with coaching lay pathways that allows you to have a healthy balance of confidence. We try and avoid massive ups and massive down’s I like to see steady as she goes when it comes to confidence and I know that work is hugely impactful to my clients. I recently had lunch with a client from about 5 years ago and he mentioned how much he still has to grapple with his own confidence but has the necessary awareness and emotional connection to get him to his ‘normal’ place quickly thus allowing himself to be very present and mindful of his own behaviours.
As I reflected on the Paris Olympics I noticed many different approaches to the athletes as they were introduced for their event. You would have seen the over excited, screaming, fist pumping chest punching person leap into the arena running around screaming his or her name out to the crowd – through to the calm, laser focused, slow, meticulous attention to detail entry of another athlete. Each would have spent many hours working on confidence. To the outside world that over excited person may have come across to you as arrogant! That slow calm, focused athlete may have come across to you as scared, not ready or as many have written about in the flow or moment. What I am trying to share with you is that we each have our own unique way of understanding our own confidence and what it is we each need to be ‘normal’ or level. My question to you is do you know?
So is our confidence shaped at a young age? Are we already destined to have low or high levels of confidence right front the get go? Is confidence the right word to actually use or could it be better explained with emotions?
These are not tears of sadness but tears of joy someone said to me recently. From the outside I thought instantly she was sad but no the complete opposite. We mustn’t judge a book by its cover and we defiantly should stop short of jumping to conclusions before we have understood. The more I work with elite professionals the more I see that emotions play a vital role when it comes to confidence. Some bottle those emotions and avoid wrapping their arms around those emotions. What potential stays un-tapped? Some emotions come out easier than others again how is that supporting or enabling your leadership?
We may never fully understand what it is to be confident, we may always have those inner voices saying you are not good enough, and I have come to realise that that is really ok. Knowing that we are good enough, that we do belong, that we can are not destinations but a continuous exploration of who we are as people.
Embrace your uniqueness, try to avoid comparing yourself with others and slowly come to appreciate what make you confident and what doesn’t.
Look after yourself and each other
Nick x