written by Nick Roud, Found and Multi Award Winning Leadership Coach.
Chasing Confidence, for those of us who struggle with confidence!
One minute its there the next its vanished! Where did that go. Just a moment, a trigger, a thing has caused you to be full of confidence to doubting yourself.
If you are like many humans from all corners of the globe, all colours shapes and sizes confidence is a very personal thing. It ebbs and flows like the ocean tide and unlike many of life’s situations for many its a daily battle.
During periods of stress, change and rejection confidence may be down. During times of being in control one’s confidence can be right up their. Have you ever tasted exceptional confidence? Have you tasted low confidence? What was going on for you at the time?
I’m not convinced nor ignorant enough to appreciate the power of just the word confidence. Should we be reframing this word? Have we overused the word and the real essence. When we peel back the onion and take a look inside what might bring me confidence may not bring you confidence.
Having journaled for many years I would like to say I am dialled into those positive triggers and negative triggers to a variety of circumstances, situations that I face as a founder, a father, husband and coach, and, what allows me to be confident and not confident. It’s not 100% bomb proof but I know the things that I must put in place to allow my confidence to be consistent, not to high not to low. Sure there are times when it is very low. If I look in the mirror and boil it right down, its normally worry and or overthinking. I remember by mum saying what have you got to worry about? Well I am human and I do worry and this therefore impacts my confidence.
Recently I was going through some Nick’s overthinking period. When I bought this up with my own Board of Directors of which I meet every month for a few hours, one of them said back to me could you look at that overthinking and worry differently.
Sure I said but what do you mean.
She shared some really insightful and helped me reframe my thought process. What I learnt was that rather than focus on the thing that was causing me to have a lack of confidence she said to look at what I could control, do, start. It was very helpful to say the least.
So Rather than looking at what I couldn’t control, what could I actually Do? In other words what action could I take which would put me in control and a better state of mind. Rather then dwelling on the ‘what if’ I could take action.
When I think about confidence in sport teams they have no clue what the outcome of the game is going to be but they set themselves up to ensure they are in the best shape, the best place to be able to deliver on what it is they are trying to achieve. James Kerr wrote in his book Legacy about the controlerbals what are the few things you must take control of.
I am confident that many of you reading today’s article can also appreciate the real power that our brain really does in controlling our emotional confidence. What I have come to realise is that it is natural and ok to worry, to over-think, its ok to feel a little under confidence sometimes that is the place one my stand in for some time to see and appreciate what pops out. What is not ok is for it to over take everything and over consume you. Little hits I call it, little hits of high confidence and low confidence. Little and often not 24 / 7.
So if you are like many struggling with your confidence here are some thoughts that have supported me at various stages of my life.
Journal.
Set yourself a daily check in on your own confidence. Try and score yourself at the same time each day. The score runs from 1 – 10, 1 being extremely low confidence and 10 extremely confident. Over the course of a few weeks and or months reflect back in on your journal scores. Ask yourself – what am I noticing about my own confidence, what are the themes that I am noticing and also what is causing my scores to be where they are. Gather yourself some hard facts, aka evidence. As an executive coach I just love evidence it allows us then to put a robust plan in place.
Talk to someone else
As I mentioned I appointed a Board of Directors to my buisiness many years ago, I can say hand on heart it is a real enabler for me, it allows me to unpack a lot of what is going on for me in my coaching business, it allows me to speak about me and share my highs and lows, my mood, my progress towards my long term plan, my financial position in line with budgets etc. Whilst I don’t talk about my coaching clients I share more with them about my own confidence.
Celebrate
What I mean by celebrate is to look at the little wins, look at the small things that you have taken control of. It might be to write a chapter of your book, could be to have got outside in the fresh air, could be reached out to a friend to arrange some time to meet, could be having a difficult conversation with someone, could be enjoying a meal with a partner.
I have a huge inner belief that social media is not enabling us as humans to build our confidence, I have no evidence of back that up but I can speak only firsthand. Recently someone shared some news which included me in it, the news was really sad and involved family, it really triggered me and made me cry. My confidence for the following few days was very low, low because my only thoughts were on the massive impact which her family were going through, I couldn’t control anything, I was helpless and had I not seen that on social media I wouldn’t have known, the only thing I would have know was the physical conversation she and I had had. Social media is a great way to stay connected I personally am not on social media, I use LinkedIn for my business and that’s all. Even that platform I am challenging myself and asking is it enabling my confidence or not! The proof will be found soon.
So as I wrap up todays article I reflect and am proud to have shared some of my thoughts around confidence. It’s very much a personal thing and one I would love you to not push to the side in the hope that all things will be right. I’d encouraged you to understand yourself and what moves your confidence. Allow the good in and acknowledge the not so good. Which ever way things are for you I am hear to be a sounding board. As a coach I dont have answers but together we can work on the solutions that fit you.
Go have an amazing day you good thing and reading. If you found this of use send it to me onto a mate a work colleague.
Nick x