Nick Roud, February 2026. Gaining an edge.
The Mirror and the Metric, Why Emotional Intelligence is the CEO’s Greatest Competitive Advantage
I’ve sat across the desk and boardroom table of hundreds of CEOs, Board Chairs, and high-potential executive leaders. Most of them have CVs that would make your head spin, EMBAs, Top 1%, Ducts, track records of scaling companies by 400% and technical brilliance that allows them a seat at on the very top table. This week I am out of my routine coaching in Jakarta, new experiences new faces and yet as I reflect still humans trying to do pretty epic work. More of that in another article.
But their is a hard truth I’ve observed in the coaching room: IQ get you in the door. Emotional Intelligence (EI) keeps you at the table. In 1998, Mr Goleman published What Makes A Leader? It went into the Harvard Business Review. He didn’t just suggest that so called “soft skills were nice to have; he used evidence to prove that they were the ‘need to have’. Fast forwards a few decades and now even more than ever before his findings remain the Platinum standard for anyone serious about leadership.
As you take time to read over today’s article I invite you to take note of your self, the mirror and what is actually looking back at you. It’s a competitive game leadership – just like chess, careful consideration must be taken seriously to your next move or you will be toppled not by your board of directors, not by your executive leadership team or staff but by yourself!
Self-Awareness: The foundation of the house
If you don;’t know who you are what your values are what you stand for, you cannot possibly look to lead others Goleman defines self-awareness as a deep understanding of one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs and drivers. In my coaching practice, I call this “Your Mirror Test”
Leaders who lack self awareness often feel like they are constantly “fighting fires” or their team “just doesn’t get it”. The common reality is that they are so tied up in everything else that they are unaware of how their own stress or mood is polluting the office culture. How you show up is typically what is expressed around the organisaton. A self aware leader knows that if they walk into a meting room looking frustrated, frazzled or pissed off, the team or individuals will spend the entire meeting wonder gin if their job is safe instead of driving the very topic that the meeting is for. You must be honest about your inner mood. I once coached a Chief Financial Officer in Holland who had an upside down smile. He was and is a beautiful man, after observing and reflecting on his 360 we popped along to the local chemist and I bought him a little mirror (which he hung on the back of his office door) my invitation as I left the building to return back home to New Zealand was – Jon, check yourself every single time you enter and or leave this room. A year later the vibe, the mood, the culture of the organsiton had shifted not because of results but because when Jon entered a room he was ‘where his feet were’ present and a wee smile on his face!
Self-Regulation; The Hand Brake:
Modern term for this is the latest silver toy, you just can’t stop yourself. Most CEOs I coach are very driven and at times forceful they are also a succor for the latest gadgets or gizmo. We all have impulses. We all get angry when deals or agreements falls through or a competitor moves into our so called space! However, the elite leader has mastered the chess game and the art of the pause. Self regulation in immature leaders can lead to others not wanting to follow you or even work with you. Mature leaders say ‘let’s look at the process and find out where I or we missed the mark – the result wasn’t what we wanted. When we regulate we can create an environment of trust and fairness. When people aren’t afraid of the boss’s temper, they take the calculated and necessary risks for growth.
Personal Drive; The Fire Within:
Many a previous scholar has shared that star leaders are very driven by something far deeper than a bonus, title or stock options. They have a huge passion for the work they do, they love what they do. I regularly coach CEOs who share a deep love for the work, the people and the enviroment that he/she is looking to create. They do not sit around waiting they are ruthlessly on the move forever raising the inner and outer bar – not just for themselves for their teams and for those they serve.
My experience concluded that if you are solely their for the pay check, your team will smell it out and spit you out. As a leadership coach, I look every time for that ‘itch’ the drive that relentless desire to improve to learn and to achieve something incredible each and every time I interact with a leader. That energy, that drive is infectious.
The Modern Power Skill; (yes you can develop this) Empathy
Ive been around for sometime on this earth and if I reflect back a few decades the very word ‘empathy’ was dismissed as ‘weak’. Today, I would argue that it is the most sophisticated tool in a leader’s tool belt. Just to be clear, empathy isn’t about being nice or agreeing with everyone – it’s about considering others’ feelings in the process of making impactful and intelligent decisions. My super power is being dyslexic; what is yours and how are you putting it to work?
Social Skill: Purposeful Friendliness
This is where the previous components – self awareness; self-regulation; personal drive; empathy culminate. Social skills is friendliness with purpose. Think about it as the ability to move people in the direction you desire – whether that’s agreement on a new direction/strategy or genuine enthusiasm for a merger. Socially skilled executives and leaders are masters of rapport (you can’t fake it). Just to land the plane here they aren’t just ‘networking’ in the modern sense; they are building a spiders web of pure relationships that they can draw upon when the stakes are high. As a CEO coach I am blessed to be on the inner circle and trusted partner of many around, trust takes time and its a two way street!
The Coaching Situation and therefore opportunity
Goleman’s most vital contribution through my lens is the reminder that EI can be learned. Sure it can be clunky and challenging but it can be achieved. Unlike IQ, which is typically frazzled by your late teens, your emotional intelligence can grow as you mature, as long as you are willing to do the work and put the effort in. From personal experience it requires a sincere desire and converted effort. You can’t learn empathy from a video, book, course, powerpoint slide deck. You learn it through feedback, through failure, and through the courageous act of looking deep within. That is why each and every coaching engagement we lean into and on evidence. Then observations. Then the work
As we head of into our world today and celebrate the success of life my question to you today is this ‘ you’ve spent years sharpening your technical mind and technical skills. How much time have you spent sharpening your heart? The data is very clear to me and many of my clients. If you want to lead at the very highest level, it’s time to get emotional.